Deleting Friends: Politics, Friendship, and Facebook
Facebook, besides being a fantastic tool for stalking old friends and acquaintances, also seems to serve quite well for destroying old friendships and acquaintances.
In particular, the political rhetoric of Facebook seems to be the most caustic and least reasoned that I can find. This is part of the reason that I tend to assiduously avoid such discussions on said site, because, even if you are engaging an individual of upright character and great intelligence, everyone has a few friends who have more opinions than they have brains or courtesy.
Perhaps it is because I am surreptitious, but I have never been unfriended for an opinion I have expressed, nor have I ever unfriended someone for stubbornly insisting that conservatives are neo-Nazis, although I may have had to filter posts from some people as things got closer to the election.
The thing is, I know those people do not think that I am a neo-Nazi. They know that I try to be kind and generous as a rule, and they would never think to say such things to me in person, not just because they are being polite, but because they know it simply is not true. The evil of internet politics is that you can say terrible things about amorphous groups, to which some of your friends certainly belong, which you would never willingly ascribe to those same friends singly. Not only that, but you can say those terrible things, and then believe it. And if your friend raises an objection to that internet proclamation, the challenge is public; the friend in the wrong cannot back down and apologize--as they almost certainly would in private amongst friends--instead, they need to prove their grit and conviction to their friends of the same political persuasion. The love of their friends is subordinated to their self-love and desire for reputation.
Moreover, when the others jump in, all parties lose sight of the fact that this is a spat between friends, and instead mistake it for the last great debate in defense of political principle. And in digital format, everyone forgets that they are arguing with real people. A profile picture is not replacement for the changing emotions of a human face, particularly one that you are hurting.
Does that mean that political disagreement has no place on Facebook? Of course not! Friends argue about politics. It happens. However, I hope I would not say something about a friend online that I would not say to his/her face.
Can I understand ultimately deleting a friend for repeated vitriolic attacks? Yes. If those attacks are general, it is my custom to send a message asking the friend to tone down the rhetoric, and to remind them who exactly they are denigrating. I have no problem with political disagreement, but when great evils are imputed to my character based on my convictions, I do ask the offending party to reflect on what they are saying.
There are two extremes. One, posting things of such a caustic nature as to demonize your friends--directly or indirectly--and damage your friendship. Or, second, being so obdurate in your politics that you cannot reconcile yourself to having friends who disagree: simply, deleting those who disagree. Both ways are immoderate and childish.
I have not yet needed to remove anyone, but if your internet philosophy is more important than your friends, you probably do not deserve them.
In particular, the political rhetoric of Facebook seems to be the most caustic and least reasoned that I can find. This is part of the reason that I tend to assiduously avoid such discussions on said site, because, even if you are engaging an individual of upright character and great intelligence, everyone has a few friends who have more opinions than they have brains or courtesy.
Perhaps it is because I am surreptitious, but I have never been unfriended for an opinion I have expressed, nor have I ever unfriended someone for stubbornly insisting that conservatives are neo-Nazis, although I may have had to filter posts from some people as things got closer to the election.
The thing is, I know those people do not think that I am a neo-Nazi. They know that I try to be kind and generous as a rule, and they would never think to say such things to me in person, not just because they are being polite, but because they know it simply is not true. The evil of internet politics is that you can say terrible things about amorphous groups, to which some of your friends certainly belong, which you would never willingly ascribe to those same friends singly. Not only that, but you can say those terrible things, and then believe it. And if your friend raises an objection to that internet proclamation, the challenge is public; the friend in the wrong cannot back down and apologize--as they almost certainly would in private amongst friends--instead, they need to prove their grit and conviction to their friends of the same political persuasion. The love of their friends is subordinated to their self-love and desire for reputation.
Moreover, when the others jump in, all parties lose sight of the fact that this is a spat between friends, and instead mistake it for the last great debate in defense of political principle. And in digital format, everyone forgets that they are arguing with real people. A profile picture is not replacement for the changing emotions of a human face, particularly one that you are hurting.
Does that mean that political disagreement has no place on Facebook? Of course not! Friends argue about politics. It happens. However, I hope I would not say something about a friend online that I would not say to his/her face.
Can I understand ultimately deleting a friend for repeated vitriolic attacks? Yes. If those attacks are general, it is my custom to send a message asking the friend to tone down the rhetoric, and to remind them who exactly they are denigrating. I have no problem with political disagreement, but when great evils are imputed to my character based on my convictions, I do ask the offending party to reflect on what they are saying.
There are two extremes. One, posting things of such a caustic nature as to demonize your friends--directly or indirectly--and damage your friendship. Or, second, being so obdurate in your politics that you cannot reconcile yourself to having friends who disagree: simply, deleting those who disagree. Both ways are immoderate and childish.
I have not yet needed to remove anyone, but if your internet philosophy is more important than your friends, you probably do not deserve them.
Comments
Post a Comment