Wit & Whim

...Learned he many useless things, but he was on the clock, and it was good. I learned--from a small cadre of utility team members--that my coming was long foretold. I am apparently expected to cast a couple of obnoxious co-workers into my shadow, even into the outer darkness thereof. Apparently my future division is home to a couple blockheads who don't like actual work, and who feel that utility should do some of their work. Utility, in the common tongue, translates to Winston. Funny. I had more time and better opportunity to get the measure of some of my future co-workers today. I've been back behind the closed doors of the training area this whole time, so when my lunch break came around, I slunk out through a side exit and came back in and played customer. Some of my fellow employees were incredibly friendly, much better than the peops in the training videos (gag me with a serrated pitck-fork). There were others, however, that had guessed my secret; they knew that I would,...

So, tell me. If that warm feeling that you have while you sit there flapping your arms around is the Peace of God; then what do you think it means when the world seems so very cold and lonely? Just a Thought....

My sister is sitting here watching BYU-TV (Mormon) channel. She is watching a program that rivals NCIS in terms of the skill with which the dialogue is delivered. I am sitting here gagging on my own bile and she sits there enjoying it. As often happens in such cases as these, my memory of certain incidents is suddenly coming back very strong. I think I'll share. You know how literature set in the Regency and Victorian eras is replete with women who swoon all over creation, are dead sure that their minor medical issues are terminal, and fret over bad vapours. I always thought these were a myth and very clearly exaggerated. You might have noticed the same. This particular kind of female still exists, though not nearly in the quantities that writers describe in the aforementioned eras. Today I am going to share my observations on a modern specimen of this variety, who, for convenience sake, we will call Bethany. On one particular instance this young woman--having eaten enough Chinese...

It is a sad fact that I have neglected this blog, in spite of having some excellent ammunition thrown my way. I start to blog and just feel no motivation to finish. The simple circumstances of my life have undergone only one major change, and that is the fact that I will be employed at JCPenny's by the end of the week. The interviews went swimmingly and met with nothing but dazzling smiles, at least, until I met with the area manager. She was one of those people who exudes cold confidence--think Meryl Streep in "The Devil Wears Prada"--and shows no sign of what she is thinking; she, too, in the end gave me a dazzling smile. So, barring a felony or two on my record, I will be in the men's department in a few short days. On another note, I have forgotten how to hula-hoop; this must be rectified. Because of these interviews I spent an unusually long span of time in the mall, which experience was harrowing, to say the least. I could not help but notice all of the grotesqu...

For Father's day I have a very simple blessing. May all those born into this world be granted a father as good as mine.

My recent inability to get a job has been gnawing at me, like some small and exceedingly pugnacious animal. I think a large part of this stems from my knowledge that I wasted two years when I should have been looking for a job. Before the recession my inexperience would have meant little to the job seeking process; everyone was hiring. Now, instead of having the previous work experience that companies desire, I have never held an hourly job and have no way to separate myself from the teeming masses. If I could get to an interview I might stand a chance. There is definite guilt present; this is all a result of my laziness and procrastination in prior years. I was remiss before, and now, when I really need it, I am unable to obtain gainful employment. Couple this with my current dissatisfaction with political realities and my general antipathy toward a sizable portion of people my age, and you get a stereotype a la Despair or the Onion; a disaffected and moody college student. Oh, wait, ...

We were watching Mutiny on the Bounty tonight, and Fatherman was wondering at the verity of the account and whether we knew what happened on Pitcairn Island. Being me, I had to research the truth. The account is not quite accurate. Christian was a fair and just leader, well regarded by most. But, one day, a member of the British contingent made a still. It all goes downhill from there, with christian getting killed trying to stop the fighting Brits and islanders. The ship did get burned, though. That is not where I found the true discrepancies in the story. Lieutenant William Bligh, as he was during the narrative, would be best described as a hero. Bligh was not a technically a member of the Royal Navy when he made the expedition, but was a merchant captain who agreed to take the mission. The reason for the mutiny was not actually Bligh's cruelty--Bligh was uncommonly lenient when it came to punishment, preferring his sharp tongue to the whip--but the British sailors unwillingness ...