My Sunday Evening.
Last night, I got home, I ate, and I crashed into bed about 2 hours earlier than I am accustomed. What rendered me inert? What brought such a fine specimen as myself to total exhaustion?
It might have had something to do with work.
Yesterday was the last day before Fort Wayne Community Schools went back into session. It was all but guaranteed to be a pretty wild ride. From the time I got there I could see that it would be a long and busy night. The tops of the tables had already been reduced from neatly folded piles to heaps, and I did not see nearly so many coworkers as I had hoped. To make matters worse, the two guys who were supposed to arrive at the same time as me were not there yet, and the lines were long enough that I could forget about helping customers or cleaning up: I would be running register.
The situation did not get better from there. We continued to be crushingly busy until about an hour and a half before close, at which point we were still busier than we are on a normal week day. The two gentlemen I mentioned never showed up, and to make matters worse, they were not alone. Nine people failed to show up that evening, knocking our numbers down from being woefully understaffed to absolute skeleton crew. The lines were long and crabby and under-prepared customers became even crabbier. I did my utmost best to keep a smile and perform my job as well as was in my power, but it really wears on you, and, under the surface, my attitude was not helping things either.
I was seething. I was so angry that I felt like delivering two weeks on the spot. I nearly did. Human Resources continues to hire candidates that raise all manner of red flags with the rest of us, and retains employees that should have been fired a long time ago. In addition, no help was brought in after everyone called off. This is not merely an aberration, but the culmination of ongoing failures in management. In addition, our software--and hardware, really--is so outdated and undependable that it easily doubles the time it requires to perform simple tasks, like, you know, check the customer out.
But I didn't walk out. Why? Because my coworkers still would have been stuck there, along with the managers who have no control over the issues. It would not be fair to saddle Michael, Amanda, and Laura with that much more of the work.
Which only made me fume that much more at the...people who didn't show. They knew that not coming in would cause the rest of us stress. They knew that they were letting us hang out to dry on what was slated to be a busy and not terribly pleasant day.
I was furious, and you know how tiring it is to be angry? I managed to get my outlook under control and relatively positive by the time the store was closed, but I was already fried. I hadn't eaten in about seven hours and was about as far removed from any caffeination, and I had heaped up all of my tension on top of that.
I think I kind of knowingly fed it too, allowed myself to brood on it, which was completely stupid. Anger is never worth it. The petty satisfaction is far outweighed by the negatives, and last night serves as a reminder. I have worked much longer shifts, been much busier, and still come out the other side with energy. The difference is attitude. You can leave as a grim survivor, or a conquering hero. Or, you can get to a place where you no longer give a shit. I thank God that I am not there, and pray for the fortitude never to go there, but I think it is time for a change. My self control is decent, but why keep pounding my head against the wall, especially when it is not my only option.
I guess I took a few lessons from last night, but the most important was self-concerning: do not give in to anger, that leads to the dark side. I could have walked out of there last night and been ready for my evening to begin. Instead, I walked out feeling much wearier than my body has any business to feel. I had help, but I did that. I don't think I shall let it happen again.
It might have had something to do with work.
Yesterday was the last day before Fort Wayne Community Schools went back into session. It was all but guaranteed to be a pretty wild ride. From the time I got there I could see that it would be a long and busy night. The tops of the tables had already been reduced from neatly folded piles to heaps, and I did not see nearly so many coworkers as I had hoped. To make matters worse, the two guys who were supposed to arrive at the same time as me were not there yet, and the lines were long enough that I could forget about helping customers or cleaning up: I would be running register.
The situation did not get better from there. We continued to be crushingly busy until about an hour and a half before close, at which point we were still busier than we are on a normal week day. The two gentlemen I mentioned never showed up, and to make matters worse, they were not alone. Nine people failed to show up that evening, knocking our numbers down from being woefully understaffed to absolute skeleton crew. The lines were long and crabby and under-prepared customers became even crabbier. I did my utmost best to keep a smile and perform my job as well as was in my power, but it really wears on you, and, under the surface, my attitude was not helping things either.
I was seething. I was so angry that I felt like delivering two weeks on the spot. I nearly did. Human Resources continues to hire candidates that raise all manner of red flags with the rest of us, and retains employees that should have been fired a long time ago. In addition, no help was brought in after everyone called off. This is not merely an aberration, but the culmination of ongoing failures in management. In addition, our software--and hardware, really--is so outdated and undependable that it easily doubles the time it requires to perform simple tasks, like, you know, check the customer out.
But I didn't walk out. Why? Because my coworkers still would have been stuck there, along with the managers who have no control over the issues. It would not be fair to saddle Michael, Amanda, and Laura with that much more of the work.
Which only made me fume that much more at the...people who didn't show. They knew that not coming in would cause the rest of us stress. They knew that they were letting us hang out to dry on what was slated to be a busy and not terribly pleasant day.
I was furious, and you know how tiring it is to be angry? I managed to get my outlook under control and relatively positive by the time the store was closed, but I was already fried. I hadn't eaten in about seven hours and was about as far removed from any caffeination, and I had heaped up all of my tension on top of that.
I think I kind of knowingly fed it too, allowed myself to brood on it, which was completely stupid. Anger is never worth it. The petty satisfaction is far outweighed by the negatives, and last night serves as a reminder. I have worked much longer shifts, been much busier, and still come out the other side with energy. The difference is attitude. You can leave as a grim survivor, or a conquering hero. Or, you can get to a place where you no longer give a shit. I thank God that I am not there, and pray for the fortitude never to go there, but I think it is time for a change. My self control is decent, but why keep pounding my head against the wall, especially when it is not my only option.
I guess I took a few lessons from last night, but the most important was self-concerning: do not give in to anger, that leads to the dark side. I could have walked out of there last night and been ready for my evening to begin. Instead, I walked out feeling much wearier than my body has any business to feel. I had help, but I did that. I don't think I shall let it happen again.
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