Friday, April 16, 2010

Against The Rising Tide of Darkness.

12:46 PM Posted by Patrick 2 comments
*Journal of Patrick--Captain of Acolytes by the Grace of God--for April 16th in the Year of Our LORD 2010*

Woke up early. Clouds build on the horizon. Have been tasked to reinforce seminarian moving division. Coffee not strong enough. Heading for church to make rendezvous with the Holy Father.

Arrive at church; Holiness arrives shortly thereafter. Heading up to temporary encampment.

Arrive at temporary base, assist with pack-up. Glenn Beck and Gandalf present for work. Making way with Glen and subordinates to drop off supplies at Fort Redeemer. So far no resistance.

Finished massive supply unload, have received messenger from main unit: Horses have been unshod and lamed, send immediate reinforcement with replacements. I am closest to nearest stable, taking small task force to requisition the necessary goods.

Arrive at Petersen Stable. All is quiet. Bad feeling about this....

Sitting within the walls of my fortress, I will now take time to put to paper the earlier events that followed my arrival at Petersen stables.

I did not like the feel of things when I got there. The cat was spooked--might it have been the rain?--but nothing would have prepared me for what came next. I opened the main gates of the stable and was immediately overwhelmed by the stench of petroleum and mustiness. I reeled and recovered just in time to dive out of the path of the massive spider that had just charged me. I took my vorpal sword in hand and removed the manxome foe's legs with a snicker-snack!

Before I had time to glory in my victory, an exceeding great host of them was upon me. I laid to them where'er they rose up, but I was soon tired. My sword heavy in my hand, I fell. As they gathered gloatingly around me, I desperately offered a prayer: that I would not meet my end at the ravages of these horrid brown recluses, O Lord, have mercy.

At once my heart was brave again; my arm strong. I rose to give battle to my foes once more. My sword, however, was unnecessary, for even as my strength was restored to me, fire rained on all my foes, and from every dandelion burst a dazzling beam of sunshine that perished the unnamed darkness.

My work was not done. At once I turned back to the stable to face the last dread terror that had remained behind. For, as I had expected, the last and greatest of my vile foes was perched on top of the necessary supplies. From deepest corner to the highest shelf, I fought him; the Recluse of Garage. Until, at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the asphalt.

It was not until I had escaped the stable with all of the needed supplies that the second messenger came to tell me that they did not actually need them.

Still, some of the evil that resided at the old Fort Peterson has now been vanquished. The rest will require greater hands and braver hearts than mine.


  1. Three days later and I'm still laughing at this.

  2. Yikes! Are they really brown recluses???!!! You big baby! Well, a very brave, big baby to try and find anything in our well-ordered garage ;-)